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The Best (and Funniest!) Quotes From Sweet Magnolias on Netflix

"It's wetter than a submarine with screen doors" may be our new favorite Southern-ism.

best sweet magnolias quotes
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If you already binge-watched—or are still binge-watching—the new 10-episode Netflix series Sweet Magnolias—based on a book series of the same name—chances are you've already taken note of a few quirky, never-heard-that-before Southern expressions and funny one-liners spoken by our newfound friends in the fictional town of Serenity, South Carolina. Of course almost each episode serves up plenty of tried-and-true (and often passive-aggressive) "Bless Your Hearts" (if our counting is accurate, episode 5 boasts the most of 'em), but even lifelong Southerners may have spit out their margaritas upon hearing some of the colorfully unconventional phrases that poured out of the mouth's of the small town's entrepreneurial trio of Maddie Townsend (Joanna Garcia), Helen Decatur (Heather Headley), and Dana Sue Sullivan (Brooke Elliott). We're pretty sure Dana Sue gets the trophy for uttering the wackiest doozies, which she delivers effortlessly, but every character in the series seems to have their moment in which they say something hilariously head-scratching. (If you're craving more, don't miss these 12 quirky Southern expressions and the meanings behind them.) We're still awaiting the details on Season 2, but if this heartwarming series doesn't return you can bet we'll be spittin' out barbed wire fences and mad as a mule chewin' on bumblebees.

dana sue quote from sweet magnolias on netflix
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Dana Sue Sullivan, Sweet Magnolias

"It's wetter than a submarine with screen doors."

maddie townsend quote from sweet magnolias on netflix
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Maddie Townsend, Sweet Magnolias

"Gossip travels like grease through a goose in this town."

quote from maddie in sweet magnolias on netflix
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Maddie Townsend, Sweet Magnolias

"God call me home the day I say no to a steak."

helen quote from sweet magnolias on netflix
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Helen Decatur, Sweet Magnolias

"You are bound and determined to make me fat as a tick."

maddie quote from sweet magnolias on netflix about du ct tape
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Maddie Townsend, Sweet Magnolias

"I'm holding it together by duct tape and happy thoughts and I'm near out of both."

sweet magnolias quotes
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Helen Decatur, Sweet Magnolias

"You look like you've played 8 quarters of football around here."

sweet magnolias quotes
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Helen Decatur, Sweet Magnolias

"I will not stop worrying—it is how I express my love."

dana sue sullivan quote about stewin' from sweet magnolias on netflix
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Dana Sue Sullivan, Sweet Magnolias

"I've been stewin' in my own blues."

dana sue quote about bad catfish from sweet magnolias on netflix
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Dana Sue Sullivan, Sweet Magnolias

"Bad catfish is a crime."

maddie townsend quote about a grudge from sweet magnolias on netflix
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Maddie Townsend, Sweet Magnolias

"Now if you'll excuse me I've gotta go see a girl about a grudge."

dana sue quote from sweet magnolias on netflix
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Dana Sue Sullivan, Sweet Magnolias

"Chin up sweet pea."

maddie townsend mood quote from sweet magnolias on netflix
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Maddie Townsend, Sweet Magnolias

"Okay, please take your foot off my mood."

dana sue sullivan quote about kids from sweet magnolias on netflix
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Dana Sue Sullivan, Sweet Magnolias

"Why can't our kids use words instead of symbols like they're neanderthals just paintin' on a cave?"

dana sue sullivan quote about teeth from sweet magnolias on netflix
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Dana Sue Sullivan, Sweet Magnolias

"Knock me down and steal my teeth."

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